I was talking to my psychiatrist, I wish I could afford a therapist too who said the beginning of Spring and April are often a tough time for people. Spring is returning, the green is coming back but you still feel gray in your heart and mind.
It’s especially tough for me. Remembering the death of my father on April 1, 2013. The death of my father in law around a week and a year earlier. Manias in 2013 and 2015.
I’ve definitely been down this month. Lots of sleep. Lots of cable and DVR. Struggling through work days.
Time with the kitty and the armchair. Feeling alone. Still feeling disconnected with Connecticut three years in.
I’ve been reading Marya Hornbacher’s excellent book “Waiting: A Nonbeliever’s Higher Power” about trying to do twelve step programs without believing in God. She says she had opened to the world without her drinking. It is so strange that so many of us feel so lonely while surrounded by people at all sides we don’t know. While spying and liking people who live miles and miles away on Facebook.
I was also just reading Jane Kenyon’s “Having It Out With Melancholy” which is utterly brilliant. https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/browse?volume=161&issue=2&page=28 In it she talks about how listening to a dog breathing saves her life. My cats just laying next to me give me so much gladness.
This is obviously far too large a topic to breeze over in a few paragraphs in a blog. It’s something with my bipolar I/ manic depression I know all too well. So much more depressions than manias.
But, reading about depression does help me. It affects so many thoughtful, interesting people who like to view deeper into the world. Maybe especially in a time of change.
What helps you with depression?