My mind reawakened
My dad’s soul free
My mind free of worry
Sometimes the slow struggle of death exhausts us.
No worries about illness
Not seeing his suffer
Seeing my dad out of pain,
the slow death of brain injury and cancer gone.
I miss him.
I wish I had 20 more years.
But it wasn’t meant to be.
He had a beautiful life.
Was an honest man.
A wonderful friend, amazing husband, great father.
I feel my creative soul re-awakened.
Like it’s time to go all in with poetry.
It’s time to go all in with poetry.
First feature last Friday,
2 slams this week.
2nd feature on Saturday,
April is so full of poetry.
My heart does hurt,
writing about his death makes me cry.
It also makes me glad,
of time together, working together especially as a young adult and teenager.
Of times with the piss jug in the back of the cube van.
Of always buying more equipment, but not always maintaining the old stuff.
Too much rent,
too many terrible employees,
but a business and going concern.
Great relationship with his customers,
maybe sometimes being too nice,
too trusting. Cheated by employees several times.
Not looking at costs and overhead in charges.
Had a Ph.D. in Agronomy ie Weed Science.
The occasional prank calls with his business the Weed Doctor.
Knew the entire map of greater Princeton and Montgomery in his head.
Even asked for run for city council a few times.
Loved the outdoors.
Love the desert of the Coachella Valley, California where he grew up.
Grew to love the midwest of Madison, Wisconsin and Columbus,
and the rolling hillsides of Montgomery Township, New Jersey.
Wanted to thru hike the Applachian Trail but then came the cancerm
then came the cancer,
then came the cancer.
Literally planning to lead a hike in the Poconos at UUMAC, the Unitarian Universalist Mid Atlantic Conference on the day he went to the hospital in July, 2008.
Brain cancer, long wait for surgery, long time in Neuro ICU.
One of the only responsive people there, kept saying “Jailbreak, Jailbreak”,
couldn’t get surgery because of blood condition.
Eventually found a bloodless brain surgeon at Pennsylvania Hospital in Philadelphia.
Able to get the tumor out.
a clinical trial, 4 years mostly cancer free.
Came back in August, 2012.
First hospital didn’t want to do surgery, gave him 2 months.
Back to Pennsylvania Hospital.
Surgery was “successful” he removed the tumor, but it affected his left side greatly and a stroke on the table.
Another stroke a few months later.
Rehab, Nursing Home/ “Skilled Nursing”
Home Hospice just before Christmas.
Mom as caretaker,
when she is used to dad taking care of so much.
Not just lawns and lawn care, but her spirit, a lot of driving, just listening to hear talk so, so fast.
Both huge readers,
both consumers of knowledge,’
always tons of books in the house and lots of paper.
Still have the fetiish to keep papers until I read them far too often, Lanna my wife knows it too well.
Loved his jazz music to the end. Straight ahead jazz, be-bop, Charlie Parker, Miles Davis, Dizzy Gillespie, Billie Holliday, Ella Fitzgerald.
The iPod shuffle I got him sustained him in hospital, rehab and nursing homes.
Late in his life became a gun nut.
Even asked for his guns while his brain was falling away,
watching too much Military Channel,
too many shows of survivalists on the National Geographic Channel.
Getting in more pain,
having less cognition slowly,
on steroids, eating so, so much raisin bran.
Obsessed with his poop.
couldn’t get up, couldn’t use the bathroom.
Almost no eating last 2 weeks,
his beautiful light brown/blonde bushy hair
going from flecks of gray,
Lost 20 pounds last 2 weeks,
still a big gut after all those steroids
and raisin bran.
A death gasp,
Now time for me to move on.
Time to create.
Wanted to be a writer in 2nd grade,
working to be a writer and poet again.
Art is not the way to make a living,
but is how to make a life.
I miss you dad,
and this goes out to you.
Henry Edmunds Davis, RIP
October 23, 1946 – April 1, 2013.