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I’m reading Marya Hornbacher’s excellent “Madness: A Bipolar Life” again. And it makes me think about one of my fears. Which is to be manic, out of control and back in the hospital. Followed by months of depression and recovery. I have a feeling this isn’t a unique feeling when you are afflicted with a mental illness.

It’s been three years now since the last time I was hospitalized and five years since I had an even bigger manic episode when my dad died. Before that my last major manic episode was in the late summer of 2001. But, I have the fear. It keeps me medicated but I definitely worry about the future. Mania may give you a lot of energy but when it crests it’s no fun.

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I was feeling a bit all over the place tonight so I went for a nice walk. It calms the soul. I also went inside a small chapel to pray that was absolutely lovely  And to pray outside the Vietnamese Buddhist Temple a few blocks away. It definitely helped. As did a few episodes of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. It’s strange how the brain works.

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Sometimes in life, it’s best to just say no to things. Everyone is happier that way. It can mean more energy to do the stuff you actually care about. And less spent on things that aren’t up your alley.

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Was nice to spend some time in Glenwood Farm in the Hilltowns of Massachusetts. We have a lovely view in Ansonia, but it’s pretty loud with the traffic and car stereos and everything.

It’s great to just hear the wind, the birds and the water. It was very odd though to see a helicopter passing by.

We forget how loud our modern world is sometimes.

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I do it sometimes, last night I meant to do it in bed. But, that didn’t happen. I’ve have thought about not blogging every day. I often don’t feel that inspired. I still like the habit. So I plan to keep going but Three Good Things inspires me more. So it goes.