Ramblings of an EdMan

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Long, Long Day

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Today was the day for my dad’s brain surgery.

I was told last night it would be at 7:45am so we got up at 5am and left the hotel at 5:20am, getting to the hospital around 5:30am.

It ended up being scheduled for 10am, and then the OR was booked.

So it started around 2pm, and went ok and he was done around 5pm.

Then we were in the waiting room and able to see dad briefly in the recovery room around 7pm. He was still out.

So now it’s just waiting to see how he wakes up and see how he responds to major brain surgery.

And we hope the tumor is completely out.

There was some limited changes after his 1st brain surgery including a little fuzziness and a lack of directional sense. We expect more this time.

At least I am in a city I like in Philadelphia. Could see myself living here and getting around by bicycle. There are great breweries after all just like Portland, Maine.

And thank you all for your supportive comments on Facebook, Twitter and the Blog. They mean a lot.

Borrowed Time

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Got sad news today.

My got his driver’s license pulled due to issue with depth perception in one eye. He was driving a car and scraped it on concrete.

I in many way feel I like I have been living on borrowed time for a while.

My dad was diagnosed with brain cancer 4 years ago, the bad one Glioblastoma multiforme (GBM) which usually doesn’t have 4 years, the best case average is 17 months. So when there is a change in something like vision it’s concerning.

He does have a MRI scheduled Monday, and is going back to the University of Pittsburgh to continue the study he has been working on which has been unbelievably successful so far.

So far, I am trying to stay positive and would appreciate any positive thoughts and prayers. Illness is hard for any family. 2012 has been a very trying year, already losing my father in law, the beloved Walter Maheux. I hope this is one speed bump, but I am worried I may need to spend some time in Pennsylvania again.

Keep us in your thoughts.

Thank you.

Edmund

The Virtues of Pessimism

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We live in times of optimism. Of salespeople. Of positive psychology. Of advertising. Of Zig Ziglar, Tony Robbins, salespeople, you can do it!

Guess what, there is nothing wrong with pessimism.

Optimism causes people to see things for better than they are.
Pessimists expect little, and are happy when they get something.

The optimists expects a par on a hole, the pessimist expect to hit a tree and is happy when he catches a fairway.

The optimist expect a great meal, the pessimist expects to eat and is happy when his expectations are exceeded.

The optimist puts out huge goals, and expects to meet them.
The pessimist puts out expectations for things to be terrible, and is surprised when they aren’t.

The optimist looks at a report and agrees with rosy outcomes.
The pessmist looks at a report and looks for what’s wrong. Guess what, something often is. Guess what the makers of the plan might be optimists and not looking for worst case scenarios.

The optimist sees something like the mortgage business doing wonderfully and high-risk debt everywhere and sees opportunity. The pessimist sees high-risk debt without high interest, and expect things to crash. The pessimist looks deeper. The pessimist doesn’t think yes is the best answer, because guess what it’s often better to say no and be accurate.

We don’t need a world of only optimists. We need pessimist, we need those who can see negative outcomes. Despite the fact that our culture is one of self-esteem where “everyone succeeds” at least in school. The world isn’t like that. The world will knock you down. Sometimes you just need to be happy with what you got, and not expecting the world to come.

Such opportunism theory can lead to debt, can lead to overspending. Sometimes it’s good and to have perspective that you are doing ok.

I noticed going back for my 20th high school reunion that in New Jersey people are constantly striving and looking for something better. In Maine, they look at their life and say I am doing allright. I have a house, I have a family, I have a job and am able to have a beer and a decent meal. What else do you need?

I prefer the pragmatism of Maine. Guess what not everyone is going succeed. We often need the pessimist to see failure, before it happens. Don’t forget that.

Spirit of Summer

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Had a very mellow day today, perfect for a hot summer day.

I slept in, did a little reading, and made an absurdly great brunch of Maine made/smoked Chorizo Goat Sausage (from Herring Brothers in Guilford, Maine) with eggs and smoked gouda cheese.

Then I chilled a while and let Loki (my mother-in-law’s cat) out, we hung out for about an hour in the shade. I did have to switch camp chairs after I noticed mine broke, so it goes costs less than 10 bucks.

Played with my phone a lot, read less than I planned to.

Then I went to the laundromat, gave out a random compliment I am trying to do that more. Listened to my music did some reading. Having the iPod at the laundromat makes all the difference. Read a little more of the Ray Bradbury Essay collection, Bradbury Speaks. Ray Bradbury makes me want to get to my inner boy all the more, although as Lanna can tell you it’s not far away.

Since I have been internetting and listening to music.

Summer is sometimes meant for easy days.

And there is nothing wrong with a good simple American Light Lager like a cold Miller High Life. Of course if you are drinking Light Lager Light like Miller Lite or Coors Light, well that’s not right.

Enjoy your summer, do some reading, pet your companion (cat, dog, spouse or otherwise), and drink a beer and enjoy the warmth and breezes of summer. It’s all too short in Maine.

Heart Centered Meditations

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This week at Rites of Spring, my wife is going to join me in a intensive I took last year that changed my heart and spirit. Whispering Deer’s class on the overflowing heart. I wish I could link to CDs of her wonderful voice, to have us get out our heads and live with our heart. Our heart has energy, it can take so, so much more than our head can.

We pray for ourselves, the ones with us, the camp and the wider world. We pray for compassion, we pray for acceptance of ourselves and the world, we pray for love, we pray for grieving, we pray to learn to medidate, we pray, and we take it all in to our overflowing heart.

It’s an amazing exercise, since we do tend to live our lives in our head, living with the heart makes you look at the world differently. That it helps to love your friends, and ignore your enemies, something I saw again in the wonderful little book “Steal Like an Artist.” It helps you live your life more heart centered. To give prayers for ones in joy, and ones in crisis. It’s something I try to do every day.

One of my practice is heart prayers, which I blogged about back in January. For 2012 I made my goal a “Year of Spirit“, it’s been a challenging year, with the illness and death of a beloved father in law, who we miss terribly.

This makes it even more important to pray with your overflowing heart, and sometimes to listen and take it in. I am excited Lanna will be with me in my workshop this year, and that we continue it as a spiritual practice.

I am also thrilled that Rev. Christine Sillari at First Parish Unitarian Universalist in Portland, Maine, also has a yoga training and can do meditations coming from the heart. They are slower, they require deep breaths and drawing into the self. They are amazing.

If you try to meditate with your head, at least in my experience, you tend to drift through the thoughts and worries of your day.

I plan a follow up post next week on the same topic.

Edmund