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Firehouse ***1/2

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September 11, 2001 is now over 11 years ago, but still feels fresh.

Especially to anyone who grew up in greater New York City.

I grew up in Montgomery Township, New Jersey just north of Princeton, and from the top of Grandview Hill on a clear day, I could see the World Trade Center 50 miles away (could see the Turnpike Towers of East Brunswick much better about 20 miles away).

The World Trade Center was always the building I saw that let me New York City is coming as we approached the Newark Airport area on the New Jersey Turnpike.

Going to New York often meant going to places like the American Museum of Natural History in the Upper West Side at 81st and Central Park West, where we were long term members.

Not that far from the museum is Lincoln Center, and near that on 66th and Amsterdam Avenue and is the firehouse for Engine 40, Ladder 35. On 9/11 the house had one of the toughest days of any firehouse. 12 went down to the World Trade Center and only 1 returned, and he barely survived.

This is a book about these men, about their house, and about the camaraderie of firemen. They are all truly brothers. They live together, cook together, eat together, laugh together, sleep together, even do projects off hours together and look out for each other.

It’s a proud group of men. Proud of their job, proud of their children, proud of their wives, and generally very happy.

The experience made me think of the laughter, friendship and ribbing of the excellent drama “Rescue Me,” one of my favorite all time shows.

The book is devastating though. Eleven good men, with great lives and families crushed by the towers on that faithful day.

It’s a slow read, it’s an emotional read and I recommend it. Excellent reporting by David Halberstam.
***1/2

2013: A Year of Acceptance

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I have been putting this blogpost off for a week.

My year goals have been successful the last 2 year.

2011 was the Year of Creativity. I did some improv. I took a writing class. I got involved in slam poetry. Definitely an excellent year for creativity.

2012 was the Year of Spirit, and it ended up being among the most challenging spiritual years of my life unquestionably. But, I was able to help balance myself and help others by being more prayerful. Oddly though, I was better at heart prayers in the beginning of 2012, then at the end. Having my dad be in hospice affects me spiritually so much. It’s much harder to be grounded and prayerful. Without question 2012 was a year of tested spirit.

So for 2013 my year goal is a Year of Acceptance. This means accepting my dad is sick. Understanding when you do have to do things like wipe your father’s butt, that sometimes it is what it is. Just like the fact that I am 10 years out of business school and working in a call center.

Here is the thing though. I would like to be financially more successful, but am very happy. I have an amazing wife, very cool friends, lots of creative outlets, and feel far happier with myself that I did 20 years ago, or 10 years ago.

Would I love to get rid of my student loan debt? Of course, but so would almost everyone else.

But, this will be a year of accepting who I am.

I am odd. I am strange. I am exceptionally unique.

I am a gourmand. A lover of wonderful beer, spirits and food.

I am a geek. I love playing Dominion Online, although I think it’s too addictive for me right now. I was just playing before writing this. I love playing games. I love trivia.

And I am who I am, and that’s all I can be.

I plan this year to keep working on my patience. Keep working on my spirit. Keep working on my uniqueness, and to be all the Edmund I can be.

It should be an interesting year. I know there are many challenges to come, especially with my father’s health.

Blessed be.

Edmund

2012: A Year of Spiritual Challenges

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My goal for 2012 was to have a year of spirit. I had no idea what was to come.

I was feeling more prayerful at the time, with my practice of heart prayers. It helps center and ground me.

Unfortunately, nothing ungrounds you like sickness and tragedy. And it didn’t take long this year. The winter was a time to found out my father in law had been hiding symptoms for a long time. It was only a couple months later that he passed away.

It was a blessing to live close to my in-laws and see the process and help where I could. It was also easily the most spiritual moment of the year to see Walter Maheux pass from the world of the living to the dead.

Lanna was shattered by her father’s death, I was upset and extremely sad.

The spring and summer Lanna was especially sad and introverted. By the late summer we were started to feel like ourselves again. Then my dad’s brain cancer returned in late August.

Our lives felt shattered again. Big tumor in his left thallmus. At first we were told it was inoperable. Then they were able to remove it with the same brain surgeon that did the first tumor removal.

Since then I have been very sad. It’s just shattering.

So my goal for 2013 is to work for a new normal and have a year of acceptance in 2013. Accepting who I am. Accepting that my dad is sick. Accepting my quirks. Developing more patience. A lot that I have been working on, a lot that I am continuing to work on.

But 2012 was a challenging year. And I still feel very spiritual. I don’t however feel as connected to church as I have been. So it goes.

And it’s important sometimes to realize it is what is. And that life is what happens when you make other plans.

Blessed be.

Edmund

Packing Out

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Packed and ready to leave in the morning.

Everyone is exhausted and in bed already. The only ones still out are the adorable black cat sisters, Briggs and Stratton playing with a cat catcher (wand with multicolored ribbon). They are both around 16 months and hyper adorable.

I am leaving with a heavy heart. Dad did survive the surgery but has substantial left side weakness and even feels colder on his left side. Now we have to leave it to rehab and pray and hope for improvement.

It’s going to be a long road.

I need to be back in Maine with my wife and get back to work.

This has been a strange and very long two and a half weeks. I am glad I have my soulmate to come back to. Mom is terrified about how her soulmate will come out of this. They have been together a long long time over 40 years and he’s not well. Maybe he will improve, I think his vision on his left side is likely to stay impared, so he won’t drive again. I also think there will be left side issues which may require a wheelchair or walker. It’s scary times. There may be assisted living ahead too.

Dad is a 4 year brain cancer survivor and we have to wait to see what’s next. I want to see him more awake and concious when I come back in a month over Columbus Day weekend. That would be good. His voice is stronger, and he is definitely hungry so this is good. He is feeding himself, and they do have him up in a wheelchair. We will just have to see what’s next.

I wish I lived closer. Maine is a long way from Allentown, Pennsylvania. But now it’s just time for healing. I know I liked being close with Walter’s illness and being far away will be hard.

Right now I just want to hug my wife and pray for better times. Dad survived the surgery, now here comes the work.

Edmund

Missing Maine

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Been away for a couple weeks now. Seems like longer.

I am used to having Lanna with me these days.

Used to knowing my way around.

Used to the Maine attitude of getting by, and letting things go.

Missing the Portland poetry scene.

Missing the rhythm of days working and days off.

Missing my wife.

Scared about my dad. He survived a 2nd brain surgery, that’s good. He’s in recovery, the neurosurgeon Dr. Laroix at Pennsylvania Hospital in Philadelphia, said it’s normal to see a lag from days 3-5.

I want to see my dad move more on the left. I worry about it. Looks like he will always be missing some vision on the left side so will not drive again.

I miss Lenny and Squiggy, the two adorable cats always giving smiles.

I hate car drama.

I have enjoyed the food in Philly but Portland, Maine is an amazing food town too.

I am enjoying the beers in Philly (wish I had more money) but Portland is an amazing town for beer too. Saw Allagash White a few places (including Monk’s Cafe) and saw Maine Beer Peeper on tap at a wonderful place called Tria (12th and Spruce).

Mainly I miss my wife. Secondarily I miss the cats. And of course I miss kisses, hugs and someone else in bed.

And I definitely miss getting paid and my friends.

I will get through this. Life takes you where you don’t expect it.

And thank you for your support.

Edmund