Ramblings of an EdMan

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2013: A Year of Acceptance

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I have been putting this blogpost off for a week.

My year goals have been successful the last 2 year.

2011 was the Year of Creativity. I did some improv. I took a writing class. I got involved in slam poetry. Definitely an excellent year for creativity.

2012 was the Year of Spirit, and it ended up being among the most challenging spiritual years of my life unquestionably. But, I was able to help balance myself and help others by being more prayerful. Oddly though, I was better at heart prayers in the beginning of 2012, then at the end. Having my dad be in hospice affects me spiritually so much. It’s much harder to be grounded and prayerful. Without question 2012 was a year of tested spirit.

So for 2013 my year goal is a Year of Acceptance. This means accepting my dad is sick. Understanding when you do have to do things like wipe your father’s butt, that sometimes it is what it is. Just like the fact that I am 10 years out of business school and working in a call center.

Here is the thing though. I would like to be financially more successful, but am very happy. I have an amazing wife, very cool friends, lots of creative outlets, and feel far happier with myself that I did 20 years ago, or 10 years ago.

Would I love to get rid of my student loan debt? Of course, but so would almost everyone else.

But, this will be a year of accepting who I am.

I am odd. I am strange. I am exceptionally unique.

I am a gourmand. A lover of wonderful beer, spirits and food.

I am a geek. I love playing Dominion Online, although I think it’s too addictive for me right now. I was just playing before writing this. I love playing games. I love trivia.

And I am who I am, and that’s all I can be.

I plan this year to keep working on my patience. Keep working on my spirit. Keep working on my uniqueness, and to be all the Edmund I can be.

It should be an interesting year. I know there are many challenges to come, especially with my father’s health.

Blessed be.

Edmund

Packing Out

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Packed and ready to leave in the morning.

Everyone is exhausted and in bed already. The only ones still out are the adorable black cat sisters, Briggs and Stratton playing with a cat catcher (wand with multicolored ribbon). They are both around 16 months and hyper adorable.

I am leaving with a heavy heart. Dad did survive the surgery but has substantial left side weakness and even feels colder on his left side. Now we have to leave it to rehab and pray and hope for improvement.

It’s going to be a long road.

I need to be back in Maine with my wife and get back to work.

This has been a strange and very long two and a half weeks. I am glad I have my soulmate to come back to. Mom is terrified about how her soulmate will come out of this. They have been together a long long time over 40 years and he’s not well. Maybe he will improve, I think his vision on his left side is likely to stay impared, so he won’t drive again. I also think there will be left side issues which may require a wheelchair or walker. It’s scary times. There may be assisted living ahead too.

Dad is a 4 year brain cancer survivor and we have to wait to see what’s next. I want to see him more awake and concious when I come back in a month over Columbus Day weekend. That would be good. His voice is stronger, and he is definitely hungry so this is good. He is feeding himself, and they do have him up in a wheelchair. We will just have to see what’s next.

I wish I lived closer. Maine is a long way from Allentown, Pennsylvania. But now it’s just time for healing. I know I liked being close with Walter’s illness and being far away will be hard.

Right now I just want to hug my wife and pray for better times. Dad survived the surgery, now here comes the work.

Edmund

Tired Ed is Tired

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My dad was holding my mom’s hand most of the day, but it’s the day after major surgery.

We will have to see what tomorrow brings.

Did eat some great Indian food today, and had an okay not great cheesesteak from a truck (the pretzel with good mustard was better.)

And saw the dogs parading in Rittenhouse Square and had a great almost baguette (crustier with sourdough).

We will have to see what’s next.

Would have preferred just taking calls today and not having the brain surgery come back, but so it goes. There is only so much we can control in this life. 4 years is a long time to survive GBM Brain Cancer. My dad is a medical miracle. We will have to see what’s next.

ed

Long, Long Day

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Today was the day for my dad’s brain surgery.

I was told last night it would be at 7:45am so we got up at 5am and left the hotel at 5:20am, getting to the hospital around 5:30am.

It ended up being scheduled for 10am, and then the OR was booked.

So it started around 2pm, and went ok and he was done around 5pm.

Then we were in the waiting room and able to see dad briefly in the recovery room around 7pm. He was still out.

So now it’s just waiting to see how he wakes up and see how he responds to major brain surgery.

And we hope the tumor is completely out.

There was some limited changes after his 1st brain surgery including a little fuzziness and a lack of directional sense. We expect more this time.

At least I am in a city I like in Philadelphia. Could see myself living here and getting around by bicycle. There are great breweries after all just like Portland, Maine.

And thank you all for your supportive comments on Facebook, Twitter and the Blog. They mean a lot.

Another Day

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Still in Pennsylvania. Likely to be here for another 2 weeks.

Would love to be going to Tina Smith and Sarah Lynn Herklots poetry workshop tonight. If you live near Portland, Maine you should check it out. It’s for 8 weeks and should be amazing. Tonight’s is about overcoming obstacles and fears which is something I could definitely use.

Definitely feeling displaced here, like I blogged yesterday. And dad moved to Philadelphia at the beautiful Pennsylvania Hospital near Independence Hall, the oldest continually operating hospital in the US and one with a great brain surgeon more importantly.

As of now looks like Monday for the surgery but that is definitely subject to change.

Put did play some disc golf today in the super long Little Lehigh course (long holes and long walks between holes) and get my shoes and socks very wet. Also got a case of Yuengling Lager which seemed to be the best value at Shangy’s. Would love to get a round of real golf in but don’t know if my finances and time will allow it. Disc golf has a bunch of free course in the Lehigh Valley and I plan to try a few.

Also getting the pretty shy new kitten here Ms. Briggs to say hi to me. Stratton her sister is slower to like me and more skittish. And they are both very sweet, black 16 month old cats. I look forward to sharing a picture when I get a good shot.

But, today is another day. We have a few to go before the surgery, I am worried about the surgery and more worried about the after care and rehabiliation. Removing part of the thalamus is very scary indeed.

Edmund