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Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

January 24, 2016 by rurugby Leave a Comment

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Lanna, my wife is off to Rochester, NY for Balloon Manor. It’s a super balloon sculpture in a 3 story mall atrium. It’s seriously amazing, I went last year. The pictures in the link are great.

Lanna and I are both working at home and we are often under the same roof, although not necessarily seeing each other more. I wonder if I should get an HDTV in my room. Because she should use the big tv too.

So it’s just me and the dudes, i.e. my cats Lenny and Squiggy until she comes to get me on Friday for Feast of Lights in Amherst, MA this weekend, aka Pagan Hotel Weekend. And I don’t have a car, we only have one, so I am mostly stuck here.

I’m glad I get the time to spend with her this weekend and got off work.

It will be nice to have the house empty. I used to have that on Tuesdays and Wednesday but I don’t right now. My guess is the amplifier will be turned on and I will play with some feedback and distortion. Hard to do that when Lanna is working a few feet away. And making loud, obnoxious noise with a guitar is more fun without headphones.

My guess is I will play with the kitties, listen to music, play the guitar and watch some TV.

Today I listened to the amazing album “What’s Going On” by Marvin Gaye, one of my favorites of all time. Here is the Marvin Gaye – “What’s Going On” — Spotify
I also saw “Rubble Kings” on Netflix. Things got really, really bad with gang culture in the 70s in New York City. We need to help everyone succeed in our society. *** I think more documentaries are in my future this week.

Along with take out Chinese at one point, you can get a lot of meals out of lo mein, donuts and Chinese lunch.

I may go out to listen to music on Monday, but I think it will be annoying to take the 10 block or so walk to downtown with the wind and the ice.

It will be nice to be in the house by myself, except for the neighbors upstairs, they say they can’t hear the amplifier in the basement. I am not going to 11.

And I think I will go up to Allentown, PA myself in a week and a half to help my mom to move into her apartment. It will be her first place by herself ever. Crazy. I am not sure I have ever lived by myself except in a dorm room sophomore year at the University of Chicago. That wasn’t the best thing for me, ended up spending the entire winter quarter in 1994 depressed in one of Chicago’s worst winters.

I have done this a few times now and it’s really not that bad.

Would you do well on your own for a week without a car?

Filed Under: acceptance, Lanna, love, partnership, The Blog

2014: A Year of Grounding – Deep and Simple

January 6, 2014 by rurugby 3 Comments

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We live in shallow and complex times.

Worried about e-mails, about texts, Twitter, Facebook.

Often interacting more with people even that we know in shallow ways. Always feeling like we need to check into our media and devices. A society full of advertising of buy, buy, buy of you need this, you need that.

You don’t. No really, you don’t.

You really don’t need a smartphone although it is very shiny. You don’t need an iPad, again very shiny. You don’t need those new clothes, you don’t need to see every movie, you probably don’t need more stuff.

You need to connect. To people, to the earth, to yourself.

I am dedicating 2014 to be the Year of Grounding for me. I need it.

The last two years have been very ungrounding. Losing my father in law Walter Maheux in March 2012, losing my beloved father Henry Edmunds Davis on April 1, 2013. I am still grieving. I still do not have all of my psychic and spiritual energy and might not for some time. I am trying to ground again and get back into myself. I need it.

I find writing helpful. I love conversations especially one on one although they can be hard to do. Why did it become weird to call someone? Seriously. I love to connect with people. In 2012 I started having lunches with one person and just talking. It was cool. It’s good to spend an hour with just one person and not be in the cacophony of noise and information of the internet and smartphones. I want to get back to it again and having lunch with someone tomorrow.

I am really happy to be in therapy. I had an unbelivably tough year that included a major manic episode in April, 2013. It was one heck of a month. Although I did write some good poems and posts including a memorial for my dad. I also ended up in jail for 36-48 hours of Patriot’s Day last year while fully manic and became extraordinarily manic. Basically doing a 24 hour performance in a cell to the NSA who I was sure was watching. Then was held down and drugged after getting loud at the Maine Medical Center ER and forgot 24 hours completely. April was unbelievably ungrounding. Losing the rock of my life, as I said in a poem at my dad’s memorial service. Losing my sanity.

Recovering slowly. Spring Harbor helped. Lithium helped a lot, dulling my mind when I needed it, found it dulling after my crisis as well and slowly going off of it. My wife helped, my mom helped, my therapist really helped. I am very thankful for therapy. More of us need to be in it. Seeing her tomorrow and happy to go over goals and talk about the last 3 weeks that includes that big holiday of Christmas and all the energy you put in an use for it.

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I feel the need to ground. To slow myself down. In the words that Fred Rogers used from the documentary “Mister Rogers and Me ***” Make your life deep and simple not shallow and complex.

Take a walk. Look up. See the stars. See the clouds. Feel the wind. Hear the water. Rest your mind. Listen. Breathe. Breathe. Slow down. Touch the Earth if you need do, do some Earthing. Literally ground yourself.

Make it a practice. Meditate. Prayer with your heart. Bring the worries of the brain down to the heart. Practice the mediations I learn from Whispering Deer. Your heart can take a lot in, the brain wants to analyze everything. Breathe. Breathe.

One thing I do to ground that make me feel joy is walking with my headphones at work. There is great landscaping there. Statues, trees, birds, a creek, a marsh. Listening to something like Bob Dylan’s “Blowin in the Wind” yesterday, watching the trees in the twilight in a sea of clouds. Transported. Just looking. Appreciating.

Your technology can wait. Texts can wait. You can turn your cellphone off. Sometimes it’s good to not be available. People do not need you all the time. You can not answer a text. You can leave your phone in your pocket while driving. Pay attention.

Right now, I am looking out my window. Seeing rain on the panes. Seeing a gray sky with some blue just after sunset with plenty of dark gray clouds after a rainy, and warm day that reached the upper 40s and had plenty of snowmelt. Can see some red of the sunset in the distance. Lights over the parking lot for the Dancing Elephant and the Frog and Turtle. Light in the parking lot by me. A wet American flag. Trees in fornt of the sunset. A wide Presumpsoct River that is harder to notice through the raindrops. The Disability RMS sign hiding through the trees. A car driving through. Listening, looking.

Billy Collins said all a poet needs is a window, paper and a pencil. Simple. Beautiful. Calming. Noticing. Not overthinking. Which we all do too mcuh. Looking up seeing the day change, watching the birds. Seeing the scampering of creatures. Hoping the insects don’t bite.

Think when you were happiest. Was it a tweet? A Facebook message?

Was it time with a friend, with a loved one, a lover and partner? With family? Eating, drinking. Maybe on vacation in the woods, in the desert? Listening, content at peace. Breathe.

We all need more peace. Less worry.

A life deep and simple where you appreciate things. My cats Lenny and Squiggy. My wife Lanna. The simple sound of the cat fountain. The silence. Sleep, dreams. My family. My sister Mindy, brother in law, Robert. Brother in law Bill, mother in law Dottie. And the ones who have passed, my dad Henry, father in law Walter. Grandparents Avis Neal, Charles Neal, Mary Davis and Donald Davis. My Aunt Louise. My mother’s best friend Dottie Mithee, Cousin Benny.

And heroes who have passed and enriched my life like Kurt Vonnegut, Mark Twain, Carl Sandburg, Johnny Cash, Ray Charles, Miles Davis. And of course teachers past, present and futures. Those who listen. Those who let us listen.

The water. The sky. The birds. The animals. Our pets. Cats, dogs. The mice we can’t see. The bees who pollenate. The pollen that makes us sneeze.

Breathe. Ground. Let life be easy. Let life be quiet. Read. Turn the screen off. Just listen to music. Drift. Dream.

Work to live a deep and simple life in complex and shallow times. Love one another. Hug. Kiss. Be thankful. Breathe. Mediate. Be Present. Appreciate the silence. Learn to love the noise and watch. See the sky change and darken, as the blue almost disappears and the red of sunset is almost gone.

Rest. Breathe. Ground and be Peaceful.

Blessed be.

Filed Under: acceptance, acceptance, books, breathing, cats, Edmund Charles Davis-Quinn, Embracing the Geek: A Writer's Journey, facebook, family, food, games, geek, grieving, Henry, kisses, kitties, Lanna, Lenny, love, meditations, My books, partnership, reading, seasons, sickness, spirit, Spirit of Sunday, Spirit of Sunday, Squiggy, westbrook, Whispering Deer, woods

Missing Maine

September 12, 2012 by rurugby 2 Comments

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Been away for a couple weeks now. Seems like longer.

I am used to having Lanna with me these days.

Used to knowing my way around.

Used to the Maine attitude of getting by, and letting things go.

Missing the Portland poetry scene.

Missing the rhythm of days working and days off.

Missing my wife.

Scared about my dad. He survived a 2nd brain surgery, that’s good. He’s in recovery, the neurosurgeon Dr. Laroix at Pennsylvania Hospital in Philadelphia, said it’s normal to see a lag from days 3-5.

I want to see my dad move more on the left. I worry about it. Looks like he will always be missing some vision on the left side so will not drive again.

I miss Lenny and Squiggy, the two adorable cats always giving smiles.

I hate car drama.

I have enjoyed the food in Philly but Portland, Maine is an amazing food town too.

I am enjoying the beers in Philly (wish I had more money) but Portland is an amazing town for beer too. Saw Allagash White a few places (including Monk’s Cafe) and saw Maine Beer Peeper on tap at a wonderful place called Tria (12th and Spruce).

Mainly I miss my wife. Secondarily I miss the cats. And of course I miss kisses, hugs and someone else in bed.

And I definitely miss getting paid and my friends.

I will get through this. Life takes you where you don’t expect it.

And thank you for your support.

Edmund

Filed Under: acceptance, family, food, kitties, Lanna, Lenny, Maine Beer Guy, meditations, partnership, portland, spirit, Squiggy, The Blog, The Ecq Review, westbrook

Celebrate Love

July 8, 2012 by rurugby Leave a Comment

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Love is fragile in this world.

Love can be hard.

A life partner is hard to find.

So lets celebrate love.

It doesn’t matter the gender. If people love each other they should be able to get married.

I don’t care if they are lesbian, gay or straight.

This should be obvious. Instead we have gay marriage amendments and hateful advertising.

Let’s celebrate love and celebrate marriage of all genders.

If you live in Maine remember to vote in November for gay marriage, it’s the right thing to do.

Edmund

Filed Under: love, partnership, The Blog, The Ecq Review

Wonderful weekend

July 2, 2012 by rurugby 1 Comment

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We have had a very tough year.

It was so nice to be away for 5 days.

The driving was beautiful. Really beautiful. Unexpectedly beautiful.

Maine Turnpike is a nice road, the road to Manchester, NH from Hampton is nice. 93 is nice.

But I-89 is gorgeous. Rolling hills, trees in the median, lovely turns, and just vista, vista, vista.
Route 4 in Vermont is just lovely and the perfect example of the Vermont country road. The Cabot Center just into the state was also one of the best strip malls I have ever seen. Lots of interesting antiquing, a wine tasting, a spirit tasting, a diner, a jeweler … And everything was linked, not with walls. Would love to see more places like this.

And Lanna was a rockstar. She let me stop at the Long Trail Brewery and sample everything. And we had a lovely lunch.

The drive to Lake George was lovely all around.

Lake George, NY is stunning! We stayed at the inexpensive and lovely Studio Motel at Lake George. We were able to get a room for $44 in the old Adrondack style. Yes the bed was small, the bathroom small and the mattress beat up, but there was something kind of cool about that too. There was a nice table that we played Dominion and Magic on and a pool, and some cool foreign workers that I got to hang out with. Especially one from FYROM, ie Macedonia (or officially the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia).

Lake George is gorgeous. Got up early on Thursday and just walked around to the empty “Million Dollar Beach” (I guess because of the view) and on empty bike path at 6am. Saw some deer move across the path and it was just lovely. As I blogged about yesterday. Breakfast was awesome too.

Then on Thursday we just sat underneath the tree. Me on one of the Adrondack chairs that was there, Lanna in her Shakespeare chair, watching the kids frolic in the lake and seeing some awesome people watching. Even got to get some garlic knots (try finding those in Maine) and playing Skee-Ball, and two of my favorite pinball games from Rutgers (I was in the Pinball Club) Attack from Mars and Terminator 2.

Friday involved a nice drive down 91, and a another gorgeous drive on I-88 to the Binghamton area.

The New York Fairie Festival is a beautiful event. Wonderful people, beautiful site, great vendors and a great spirit. I wish sometimes that guising was more part of my magic, but I am not called to it in my heart. We look forward to spending a weekend in the woods.

Got a great calzone 5 miles away from the Festival after taking an hour detour after making a left instead of a right. So it goes. But the interplay of ricotta, mozarella, sausage and dough was just awesome.

I did want to see the views on I-81. Kind of wish I didn’t go that way. The Friday before July 4th isn’t a good day to have a major interstate through a vacationland be 1 lane. So that was a nice hour. Was much more fun to watch from the Rest stop.

The Reunion was simply awesome on Saturday. And it was nice to have a big room, with a big, comfy bed at the Westin Forrestal Village. Was wonderful to run through Princeton, NJ again. Seeing the beauty of the Princeton University Chapel, Nassau Hall and one of the most beautiful campuses in America.

Also walking around Palmer Square. Seeing the best library used bookstore I have ever seen at the Princeton Public Library. And going to the Princeton Record Exchange, my favorite record store in the world. They have got a lot of my money over the years and I love just seeing their stickers.

The reunion was utterly fantastic. DJ was fun, the food good and the company awesome. Although they should have had more then microbrew available (got the one Flying Fish Pale Ale (NJ).) And got to dance with the wife and catch up with people I haven’t seen in a long, long, long time a long time.

And even got back from NJ to Maine in 7 hours. Even got to stop and get Fried Chicken at Crown (Between 148 and 149 South on Broadway) my old neighborhood fried chicken place. Easy trip from the GWB. Absolutely record time.

Some weekends are awesome.

Filed Under: Lanna, love, No Filter, partnership, The Blog, westbrook

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