I’m reading Marya Hornbacher’s excellent “Madness: A Bipolar Life” again. And it makes me think about one of my fears. Which is to be manic, out of control and back in the hospital. Followed by months of depression and recovery. I have a feeling this isn’t a unique feeling when you are afflicted with a mental illness.
It’s been three years now since the last time I was hospitalized and five years since I had an even bigger manic episode when my dad died. Before that my last major manic episode was in the late summer of 2001. But, I have the fear. It keeps me medicated but I definitely worry about the future. Mania may give you a lot of energy but when it crests it’s no fun.