So about a month ago, I was showing my psychiatrist my most recent Three Good Things posts. In it one of my good things was Bushmill’s which I liked to put in my coffee after work. Lots of cream, tons of cane sugar which doesn’t fully dissolve and the Bushmill’s is only a buck per 50ml in Connecticut for the last three years.
I was probably drinking around 10 units of so of alcohol a week. Like it would take 2-3 work days to finish the Bushmill’s. Some beer, lots of small sips of alcohol but pretty much drinking every day.
I had some to be defiant that day and then abstained until Rites of Spring and after the festival. My doctor said I could drink at the festival. His concern was my body getting a tolerance for the alcohol over time and that it can counteract my Tegretol mood stabilizer.
It’s odd too, because I was honest that I drank. I guess he didn’t know it was most days and that I used it as a reward.
It has been harder not to drink than I thought it would be. I would probably be drinking a Lionhead Lager right now after doing some chores before the NBA finals.
I’m definitely going to crave beers in this heat. I would like to find some balance to drink occasionally.
I also do worry about not drinking triggering mental health issues. Stopping very heavy drinking both ignited a manic episode for Mark Vonnegut that he talks about as part of his excellent memoir “Just Like Life Without Mental Illness Only More So”. And a suicidal depression for William Styron in his “Darkness Visible.” I do think it is making my depression harder.
It’s something I have to contend with. I certainly have a whole lot more alcohol than I need.
It will save me some money too. Alcohol isn’t cheap.
And I just got results for a fatty liver this week so another reason to drink less.
I have written some poems again and I did pick up the guitar again the last couple days. Maybe I will try stringing it for a second time. The B string definitely needs a change.